Last December, I was feeling stressed out all the time. I was commuting 2 hours everyday to a job out-of-state that was getting me nowhere (career-wise or financially), experiencing some family issues and living in an apartment I disliked because it was supposed to be "temporary" so I didn't put any time or money into decorating it. I was totally wiped every night when I got home and I felt like I had no time to myself. Coming home to a messy, unorganized apartment only added to the overwhelm that I was feeling.
Something had to change.
I left that job and accepted a new one with a shorter commute. I signed up for Pottery classes and life coaching with Emily for some much needed "me time" and I decided to decorate our bathroom. It wouldn't take too much money, and I hoped that it would help our "temporary" apartment feel more like a home.
We painted the walls a pretty shade of navy, installed new floating shelves for added storage and bought accessories--like a white enameled rhino head-- that made us smile. (Click here to see more photos and details of our bathroom project!) Having a freshly decorated room helped, it really did! But it was far from a cure-all for the dissatisfaction I had been feeling about our circumstances. Anthony and I were still in a tiny apartment and all I wanted was a HOUSE to call our own. A house that we could pour our blood, sweat and tears into. A house so we could get a dog. A house so we could finally have our own dishwasher, washer and dryer. A house so I can be a real interior design blogger with a "house tour" page.
At some point during this time, I began reading May Case Miracles by Gabrielle Bernstein, a book that was suggested to me by Emily. (You can buy it in her resource shop, here!) While I was reading "Day 4: Gratitude is the Attitude", a thought popped into my mind that has stuck with me every day since. In my journal response for that day, I wrote "I can't expect to be given more until I can be happy with what I have." This message really struck a chord with me, because it was the exact opposite of how I had been reacting to my circumstances.
I was expecting more because I was unhappy with what I had. I thought the transition between college and the "real world" was just a stage I needed to power through before I could graduate to the next level of being. I was anxiously waiting for my "real life" to begin but I had it all wrong. In reality, I already had everything I needed to be happy. Happiness is a decision that only I have the power to make. The decision to stop allowing my circumstances, other people's opinions and situations that are outside my control to determine my feelings of self-worth and contentment. I worked hard in 2014 to change this dynamic within myself, and it's something I want to recommit to for 2015.
I am a person in transition. My life, my career, my home environment, my family, this blog-- it's all in transition. And from now on, I'm going to own that.